Thursday, January 22, 2015


                            Do I Look Okay?

          Everyone has at least one thing that they are scared of. Some people are scared of animals, bugs, or even people, while other people are scared of death, growing up- you know- adult things. Then, there's those afraid of heights and such. Then, there’s me. I actually have a pretty horrible fear of seeing schoolmates in public. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? I don’t even understand it myself.

          One day, my father and I were driving to a shoe/shirt box. I don’t even remember what it was called because I was busy not caring. Anyways, we arrive to the mysterious box. My father asked me to help him carry bags of clothes to drop off in the box. We are in the middle of town, people might SEE ME. I can’t risk that. What if I’m in an ugly movement? What if my hair looks bad? What if someone noticed me and tells their friends they just saw me. No, no we can't have that. I can’t even start to explain how weird this is.

          It’s so awful, that I don’t want to leave my own house. When my father asks me to get the mail, I usually run to the mailbox and back to the door. If I see a car coming, I either hide behind my car or run faster to my house. I don’t want anyone to see me. The worst is when I’m asked to do yard work. My life is so difficult, why can’t I just stay inside so I don’t have to see anyone. I mean, isn't that what basements are for? To be in the dark, watching Netflix and eating cheez-its.

          I also have another embarrassing thing I hate about myself. I have this problem where I need my hair to always look good. If it doesn't look perfect, then honey, we have a problem. My face also has to look normal. I NEED to look decent whenever I go out. What if I am super ugly, like 
2007 Britney Spears ugly? I go out, and see someone from school that I know? That would be a nightmare. I don't want some cute guy to see me with my hair a mess. He would think I look like that all the time. 

          Now that we know those embarrassing facts about me, let’s talk about how I will probably never get married. I care so much about how my makeup looks. I will probably never be comfortable enough looking normal, with a guy. If my husband ever saw me without makeup, he would probably end up filing for a divorce. I would live on the streets and be homeless. At least my hair would look good. Besides that, I would die alone. I can’t help it.  

          Whenever, I am home then I don’t really care about my appearance. If I take one step outside of my house, I shall look decent. If my hair doesn't look good or I’m not wearing makeup…well actually let’s not imagine that. Just look at your thumb, that’s what I look like. An ugly, stupid thumb is what I see. If I put up my thumb next to my face, you wouldn't be able to tell the difference.

          Next time you see me, please notify me if my hair looks okay. It is very important to me. Hopefully one day, my fear of seeing people from school in public will end. As if right now, I will continue to hide. Oh by the way, if you see me running away or hiding in public, don’t be offended. 

Red: edited/added

                          The Unforgettable Birthday

Note: A drunken father and his daughter are sitting at the dinner table. The daughter is talking about her day. The drunken father just wants more beer. Today is a special day for the daughter. The father has no clue what today is… Father: Chuck | Daughter: Jenny

Red: added/edited

Jenny: So, today in English, my teacher was explaining how to use commas. Like dad, I am in 11th grade…people don’t even know how to use commas. Isn't that funny?

Chuck: People in your school are stupid. I almost need another beer.

Jenny: Yeah, I agree. In math I got my test back. And I got a 96%! I was the highest in the class.

Chuck: Wow how not interesting.

Jenny: Dad?! This is great news! Whatever.  At least I thought it was great news.

Chuck: You want to know what great news is. I bought 4 six-packs of beer yesterday. Now, that’s great and exciting.

Jenny: Wow, great for you. You deserve an award.

ChuckHey, young lady!! Don’t talk to me like that…the sass is not needed.

Jenny: (whispering) Yeah neither is all the beer.

Chuck: What was that?!

Jenny: I didn't say anything…

Chuck: That’s what I thought. You know, if you're mother was here, we wouldn't be arguing all the time.

Jenny: Well we all know who's fault it is that she isn't here.

Chuck: It isn't my fault that she fell in love and ran away with the milk man.

JennyWhatever, anyways…how was your day?

Chuck: Um alright, I slept the whole day so

Jenny: Aren't you going to ask me how my day was??

Chuck: No because I don’t care. Go grab me another beer.

Jenny: Do you even know what today is? 

Chuck: Yeah, it’s Thursday… now go get my goddamn beer.

Jenny:  Yes, its Thursday…October 9th…Do you know what October 9th is?

ChuckOh yeah, it’s like Columbus Day or something?


ChuckOf course I remembered, I was just kidding with you. Listen to me I was only-

Jenny: -No you weren't! You forgot… I can’t believe this. You can’t even remember your only daughter’s birthday. All you care about is your beer. I can’t stand it. You have no life, you’re pathetic, and an awful father.

ChuckListen, you do not talk to me like that! I am the parent. You are only a child. I can do whatever I want.

Jenny: Dad, did you even buy me a gift? You know I've been wanting those concert tickets! They're all I have been talking about. I wanted to go so badly, everyone is going! 

Chuck: If you keep up this attitude, there won't be no concert. Now, do you really want to be grounded on your birthday?

JennyNo dad, I don’t care anymore…I am leaving.

Chuck: Oh yeah? Where are you going to go?

Jenny: Anywhere that’s not here.

Jenny slammed the door. She walked straight to her car and sat there. She started crying.

Jenny: This has been the worst birthday ever. 

As she stopped crying, she noticed a box sitting in the passenger seat.

Jenny: Wait, I've never seen this box before...

She opened the box slowly.

Jenny: (reading the card out loud) Dear Jenny, it's your 16th birthday!! I can't believe my baby is growing up. I hope you like your gift, kiddo. There's one ticket for you, and a ticket for a friend! I took work off the night of the concert, so I can drive you. Love, Dad.

                                 Two Sided Date

              On October 14, Nate asked Taylor to hang out. He went up to her, and simply asked the question. She smiled in agreement. The date was planned for Saturday, at 7PM sharp.
Red: added/edited

                I am so nervous for this date. I have never been on a date before. What do I wear? How do I wear my hair? Should I change my makeup? Do I wear jeans or a dress? This is so hard. If I wear jeans, will he think I dress carelessly? If I wear a dress, will he think I’m taking this too seriously? If I wear my hair up, will he think of me as a little girl? What kinda shoes should I wear? Wait, does that even matter? Oh god, why am I so nervous? 

                I hope everything goes well tonight. But, I have a confession… I only want to be friends. I am interested in another girl. I was only hoping to hang out as friends. I only asked her out to make it up to her. She’s never been on a date, so why not. I hope she doesn't think this is serious. I hope these sweatpants are alright. 

                I've been at Nate's house for an hour. It's kinda awkward. We're just sitting at the table, eating pizza. He's wearing sweatpants...I decided to go with the cute dress. I totally shouldn't have worn this. This doesn't even feel like a date. Oh god, what if it's not? I am so stupid.

               Taylor has been here for about an hour. We haven't talked a lot. It's so awkward. She's wearing a nice dress, she looks cute. But, I only asked her here to hang out. She probably thought this was a date. I'm here wearing sweatpants, I feel bad. I mean, I don't want to be anything more than friends...

               Wow, I'm not enjoying this at all. He probably thinks I took this too seriously. He asked me if I wanted to watch a movie. So, I said sure. It's better than sitting here and not talking. We're now watching a stupid horror movie. I hate these types of movies. To make it more awkward, we aren't even sitting on the same couch. I sat down and Nate sat in a chair. Okay?

               I asked Taylor if she wanted to watch a movie. I felt like this afternoon has been really awkward so I thought a movie would help. I picked a great horror movie. She doesn't seem too thrilled though. I sat in a chair. I thought if I sat next to her, then she might try to cuddle up to me. That wouldn't be good.

              The movie finally ended. Thank god. It was awful, too scary for me. I told Nate that my mother texted me to go home. That's a lie. She actually texted me to be home by 11. He walked me outside, to my car. I told him thanks for the great afternoon. Which was another lie, it wasn't a great afternoon. Then, I went to go hug him and he gave me a handshake...A HANDSHAKE... I just got friend-zoned. I came over here, all cute hoping to impress him. I thought he liked me? Why would he even ask me out on this date?

             The movie was so good! It's like the seventh time I've seen it. After, Taylor told me that her mom wanted her home. So, I walked her to her car. Just trying to be a nice friend. She went to give me a hug and I hesitated. I suddenly gave her a handshake instead. I know it was stupid, but it wasn't a date. Wow, why did I even ask her to hang out?

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Women Societal Expectations (satire)

Problem: Women Societal Expectations

In today's society, magazines are filled of "perfect" unrealistic models. A common girl will open up an issue of Vogue and see Miranda Kerr or Candice Swanepoel on the front cover. Most girls will look at them and say "Wow, they are perfect! I want to look like them." People like Miranda and Candice are making girls feel bad about themselves. Girls want their perfect bodies, hair, face, and weight. It's messed up how society classifies models only if they are skinny and beautiful. 

The problem trying to be resolved here is that, models and magazines display how society thinks how women should look like. In fact, women shouldn't look like those basic models. Those models are way too skinny. Some will even starve themselves to become skinny. You shouldn't have to starve yourself to become what you want. Those models cake themselves with make-up. Its like they aren't even real people. They are fake. Nobody likes fake people, they are the worst. 

Girls can become depressed from society. Society tells all girls if you don't have a flat stomach, big boobs & skinny thighs you are not perfect. Girls start to feel bad about themselves, which leads to self harm. People will cut themselves from depression. No one should ever cut themselves because they aren't happy with their imagine. Depression can also lead to suicide, which is even more worse. No girl should murder themselves because they are not "perfect." No one is perfect. 

To fix all girls problems, I have found a solution. When a girl reaches the age of 16, her parents will decide if she is ugly or beautiful. If the parents find their girl ugly, they will continue with the life normally. On the other hand, if the girl is beautiful, they will undergo surgery. All the pretty girls will have to get one of their eyes removed. Therefore, everyone will be ugly. There will be no judging since everyone is gross. No perfect women will ever exist, there won't be any expectations for women anymore. 

Now I know what you're thinking, "Eye removal really??" My answer is yes really, why not. Only pretty girls have to get one of their eyes removed. At least its only one eye and not both. Mike Wazowski only has one eye, and little kids love the guy. This surgery can be exciting. If any beautiful girl ever doesn't go this surgery. If they skip it, and try to sneak away. They will be caught and have to face consequences. Those girls will have to take out BOTH of their eyes, by themselves. That's not the only consequence though. You will also have to shave half your head. Please don't skip the surgery when you have to. Would you rather lose one eye or both eyes AND half your hair? So, I would suggest to all the pretty girls, just undergo the surgery when you reach sixteen. 

The answer is found! No more expectations for women. No more making women feel different since everyone is ugly. This is a good thing. If a used-to-be pretty women makes fun of an ugly person with a uni-brow, they have to remember they are the person with only one eye. Men probably won't be happy with this, having no sexy women. We aren't here to talk about men's expectations though, forget about them.

Women don't feel pressured to be perfect. Having one eye can be life changing!